Remembrance and Regret
by Logan GC
Summary: Darth Vader has spent years detaching himself from Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight and hero of the Clone Wars. Though one day as he trains his secret apprentice, the Sith couldn't help but remember a different time when he had another apprentice. A time when he considered himself a good man.


**Author's Notes:** I do not own any property from the **Star Wars** franchise. All characters and respective media belong to **George Lucas** , **20** **th** **Century Fox** , and **Disney.** Story takes place years before _Episode IV: A New Hope_ and will follow the official cannon laid out by **Disney** , with the only exception being characters and the events that had occurred from _The Force Unleashed_. Enjoy.

"You lack intuition in your attack, allowing fear to control you and cloud your judgment, creating mistakes. Mistakes the enemy will take advantage of, which will be your downfall."

This knowledgeable insight came from the baritone voice of Darth Vader, slayer of the Jedi, military genius of the Galactic Empire, and loyal servant to the Emperor. His reputation is well known, enemies and allies respect and fear him all the same. From the sight of his helmet to his inhuman, mechanical breathing, Vader is known as a cold, calculating machine, any shred of humanity gone and hidden under his frightful appearance.

A Dark Lord of the Sith, Vader believed in the omnipresent energy field known as the Force, a religion his peers quickly scoffed at existing now that the Jedi Order has all but eradicated. The Emperor was a Sith Lord as well, but it is clear that he is the master. For millennia, the Sith had survived in secrecy, slowly gaining influence as the Jedi Order was pushed to it's limits in the Clone Wars, and then collapsed under Order 66, the near extinction of the Jedi and a Sith victory.

The life of a Sith is harsh, brutal, cruel, as compassion and pacifism could only lead to weakness, which in turn leads to death. But, the training can elevate a Sith to incredible power, rivaling the best of the Jedi.

That is why only two Sith exist; a master to embody the power, and an apprentice to crave it. No more, no less.

Though Vader and his Sith master ignored such a tradition, training Force-sensitives to be inquisitors of the Empire and hunters of remaining Jedi. However, little to no one knew that years ago Darth Vader abducted a young boy who had a strong, primal connection to the Force shortly after killing his Jedi father. Under the codename "Starkiller," Vader has spent several years training him in secrecy, forging the boy into a weapon that one day prove useful.

Today was not one of those days, as Vader's harsh reminder echoed to the twelve year-old, the boy sparring against PROXY, a prototype holodroid that took on the appearance and fighting style of the late Jedi Master Plo Koon. Starkiller barely avoided the droid's flawless technique of a Djem So cleave, regained his footing and formed a defensive posture. Vader looked on from the corner of the room, his arms crossed as he continued to analyze the fight in front of him.

The preteen nodded at Vader's words, holding his lightsaber more tightly in his grip and silently exhaled, ignoring doubts that have been building up internally and held his blade in a Soresu defensive stance. "Yes, Master." The boy obediently responded as PROXY slammed his weapon onto Starkiller's, in an attempt to break through his guard. Starkiller refused to give in, holding his ground against the aggressive attack as Vader continued to look on.

The Dark Lord once more gave his opinion on the fight, his patience wearing thin as the skirmish continued on far too long for his liking. "Do not rely on pure defense. One must be acting instead of reacting. Passively defending against an opponent will only prolong the inevitable. You are a vessel of the Dark Side, use your anger and hatred. Have I taught you nothing?" Vader's harsh words echoed through Starkiller's mind, his mouth forming a tight line as he broke off from PROXY's attack.

Starkiller, sensing his master's disapproval, changed his style into the Shien reverse grip. With confidence, Starkiller charged PROXY, his crimson blade ready. PROXY responded with a downward strike, though Starkiller anticipated this. The boy knew that while Djem So was extremely forceful, a weakness of the style was its lack of mobility. Avoiding the attack, Starkiller vaulted over PROXY, and before the droid had a chance to counter, Starkiller gave an impaling strike to the droid's midsection using his reverse grip, the battle over.

The visage of Plo Koon disappeared in a flash of light, as PROXY's true form was shown on the ground. "Well done, master! I was certain that I would have achieved my primary programming and finally kill you this time." The droid complimented as Starkiller helped the droid up to his feet, also deactivating his lightsaber.

"Maybe next time PROXY." Starkiller reassured the droid with a ghost of a smile before keeping his face stoic and kneeled before Vader, the Sith Lord approaching him as the boy did not look up out of respect for his master.

"You may have been victorious, but this would be very different in reality. If you wish to contend with best of the Jedi, you must be on the offensive and your enemies will cower before your might. Defense is a factor, but it should not be a priority, lest your enemies will take advantage of this and your demise all the more prevalent." Vader informed his student as Starkiller nodded.

"Yes, Master." The boy responded, both out of respect and fear as Vader acknowledged that Starkiller still held his lightsaber in his hand.

"I see you favor the Shien reverse grip." The Dark Lord commented as Starkiller's eyes squinted in uncertainty, not knowing where this conversation will go. "Why do you prefer such a technique?"

For a few moments, Starkiller was silent, unsure on how to reply to such a question with Vader's mechanical breathing the only noise breaking the tense atmosphere. "You have taught me the importance of being unpredictable, Master. My reverse grip is unorthodox in nature and technique, so my enemies can not defend against my dedicated assault." Starkiller answered carefully, slowly lifting his head as he stared at the Sith, cautiously awaiting an answer. For a few minutes, Vader continued to stare in silence, as Starkiller began to get anxious. Had he said something wrong to displease the Dark Lord?

As the boy braced himself for what will undoubtedly be a painful punishment for his insolence, Vader finally spoke. "Very well. Continue your training. You still have much to learn if you ever wish to rule the galaxy at my side and be worthy as my apprentice." The Dark Lord stated as Starkiller gave a barely-audible sigh of relief, bowing his head in reverence.

"Yes, my Master." Starkiller replied in respect as Vader left the boy to continue training with the holodroid alone in the training room.

* * *

As Vader marched down the halls of his Star Destroyer like the unstoppable force that he was, the Sith Lord's thoughts were elsewhere. Just as little to no one knew of Starkiller's existence, the same could be said of who Darth Vader really is. Underneath the terrifying visage of his armor, laid a broken man who was once the rising star of the Jedi Order. He was once Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight and hero of the Clone Wars.

But the Sith Lord was no longer that man. He died when Darth Vader was born on the blood of younglings and Padawans during the raid on the Jedi Temple and his defeat at the hands of a man who was once a mentor and friend.

 _Kenobi._

That name was the source of Vader's hatred, the man who caused him to rely on this armor for the rest of his life.

Ever since his fateful duel with his former master, Vader severed ties to anything from his past life, the person he was once gone. Though, the Dark Lord would never forget anything, and on times such as now, reminders would taunt him. Starkiller's preference for the reverse grip reminded Vader of a conversation he had with another apprentice, when he was considered a good man.

* * *

 _"Whatever you say master, just stop criticizing my reverse grip." The snarky response came from Ahsoka Tano, as Anakin smirked at the Togruta, his apprentice clearly annoyed at him._

 _"I'm telling you Ahsoka, a standard, two-handed grip is better, it's a lot more practical. There is a reason why most other Jedi don't use it." Anakin explained as Ahsoka rolled her eyes, holding her deactivated lightsaber in her preferred grip._

 _"Also, because it's so unusual, Dooku and his lackeys won't see me coming." The Togruta responded in confidence, with Anakin doing his best from releasing a snort. Sensing that Anakin still didn't believe her, Ahsoka continued. "At least I'm not predictable." She added, giving a glance to her master._

 _Anakin feigned at being hurt at her words, clutching his hand over his chest where his heart would be. "Oh, that hurt Snips. I-I can't believe you said that to me, your own mentor." The young man exaggerated in an overdramatic tone, which Ahsoka couldn't help but laugh when he would act as immature as a Padawan sometimes._

 _"It's a wonder how Master Obi-Wan kept his patience when he trained you." Ahsoka teased, though Anakin had a mischievous glint in his eyes._

 _"I could say the same about us." He retorted good-naturedly, causing the teen to roll her eyes once more._

 _"Ha ha, very clever." Ahsoka replied dryly before once more smiling and shared a chuckle with Anakin, the atmosphere between them very comfortable. Unfortunately, their retorting contest had to end as Anakin remembered they had to be present for the meeting to plan an assault on a Separatist outpost in the Outer Rim._

 _"Come on Ahsoka, we'll be late to the meeting…again." The young man urged as both master and apprentice continued to walk, albeit a little faster._

 _Ahsoka smirked. "Bet I can take out more clankers than you can." She challenged, with Anakin mirroring her smirk with his own._

 _"You're on."_

* * *

It became more clear to Vader that Starkiller had some similarities to Ahsoka than he would like to admit. His use of the reverse grip, as well as his desire to be a worthy apprentice reminded the Dark Lord of Ahsoka's dedication on becoming a Jedi. Was this the Force mocking him? To severe all ties to his former self only to have a reminder taunt him for his mistakes? Why did he take Starkiller as his apprentice? An obvious answer that Vader told himself for years was he would be useful, the boy's power could be instrumental for him when he is fully trained.

Although maybe a portion of Anakin still lived, taking the boy in under his guidance. Maybe Vader internally wanted Starkiller as an apprentice because… he missed Ahsoka.

Maybe there was something more. Killing the father to have the boy for his own. Starkiller, a reminder of the child he never had… _with Padmé_.

Suddenly, Vader had enough with the past haunting him. That life is gone, Anakin Skywalker is gone. Only Darth Vader remains, a monster feared by the galaxy. Starkiller is a tool, nothing more, nothing less. He will be useful when the time is right, and when he is no longer any of use, he will be cast aside like the instrument he is.

The Dark Lord then marched his way to his meditation chamber. Vader knew that the past would not disappear completely, but it could be suppressed. This is his life now, he made his choices to be a Sith Lord and no amount of memories or alternative fantasies will change anything.

For a Sith's life is filled with cruelty and hatred, the only things that Darth Vader might consider to be worth living for as redemption seems like a pointless dream.


End file.
